bored stiff

My mom has been gone a'quiltin' for three days and I'm so bored even the chipmunks don't interest me.
Well maybe a chipmunks would but the squirrels definitely aren't interesting. Well, actually the squirrels are still annoying but I miss Mom. Where's the waiter, I'll have a chicken broth on the rocks, hold the rocks and include a side of something really smelly. Thanks. Has anyone heard from Mom?